I woke up this morning ready to run. I had set my mind to running today. I planned on missing my daughter's swim meet and doing this for me. But my day didn't start out that way. I woke up and spent the first 30 minutes arguing with my family. They don't want to go to the swim meet and I am yelling that they have to go. I finally throw all my running gear down and say, "Nevermind! I will take you because I can't trust you to go on your own!".
Then something just clicked. I said forget it. I am not going to worry about you guys. I need to go run. And I threw on all my gear again.... I have alot of gear...and searched high and low for my water bottle...I still haven't found it...and went for my 6 miler.
I was pissed at my family. I hated that I was carrying this huge water bottle because I couldn't find my running bottle. I was disappointed in my family for not doing the right thing and going to the meet and I was mad at myself for getting caught up in their drama. I was upset that I started out 45 minutes later than I wanted.
But as I started pounding the trails the stress started to leave. I started to think about why I was out there. I was out there because I can be. I started to relive my days in chemo. There were days I couldn't get out of bed. There were days I couldn't eat anything. Heck, during reconstruction I couldn't even turn my head because it hurt too much.
It is the first time that running became a stress reliever. My usual form of relief is sleep or food. I have so much I want to share but I am really tired. I forgot to mention I have not been feeling well and not getting much sleep.
On a high note: I won a drawing on mommaof3ontherun. We met on the weight watchers board and have stayed in touch. I love her blog, it really resonates with me. Check her out. If you look to the right side of my blog, you will see a link.
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Rozette - my run yesterday was the same for me. I was aggravated with DS for not being prepared for football camp (didn't have all his gear and we had to call/e-mail/text his coach to see if he would make a special trip to the school so DS could get it). I was annoyed with DS, peaved with DH and disappointed in myself for doing so much for DS. He will be a senior in high school in the fall and his mommy doesn't need to put his gear together for him...however, it's what I do...it's who I am...but is it really? I'm struggling with finding myself...me...not Kevin's mom...not Niki's mom...not Rusty's wife...but me. Do I even know who that person is? Needless to say, I had a terrible night's sleep but was determined to get my run in first thing and I did. I was not focused at all for the first mile or so but soon all my troubles seemed to fade away...and it was just me and the road. AHHH....and that's where I found the most important person in my life...ME.
ReplyDeleteKeep doing what you are doing...you are doing what's best for you...physically, mentally, emotionally.
Kris...yes...yes...all of what you said, I can relate to...that is exactly how I felt.
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